The Day Chloe Ate A Chicken Carcass.

Firstly: no, it wasn’t one our our chickens. Second, as you may have guessed, I’ve waited all week to use that headline.

Wait. Someone out there eats chickens? Chickens as in me????

Wait. Someone out there eats chickens? Chickens as in me????

No, it wasn’t Lola or Ginger or Summer or Pippa or Luna. It was some distant cousin of theirs, thrice-removed and ill-fated to play out its destiny as a shrink-wrapped rotisserie chicken from Von’s. After it spent a few lonely and neglected days in our refrigerator, the CE carefully picked the meat from the bones for the dogs’ dinners and discarded the carcass. In the wastebasket. Where Chloe found it.

Now I suppose it’s possible that when Chloe discovered it she spirited it off somewhere via UPS. We will never know, because neither the chicken nor its ghost has been seen. Not so much as a shred of meat; not the tiniest splinter of bone. All we know for certain is that the CE found the trash tipped over in the kitchen and a very contented Chloe posed nonchalantly nearby. Circumstantial evidence, at best.

Pleading the Fifth.

She’s pleading the Fifth, but that’s a guilty look if I ever saw one.

I have two facts at my disposal: first, there are 120 bones in the body of a chicken. Second, you should never, ever feed chicken bones to a dog.

Oddly, perhaps, I flashed upon a memory of the time Daniel, at age two or thereabouts, was discovered having climbed an impressive height to pluck from a shelf and guzzle a decorative container filled with liquid air freshener.

As you can see, Daniel survived the air freshener episode.

Circa 1993: as you can see, Daniel survived the air freshener episode.

It turned out that the air freshener mercifully, was non-toxic. Other than the fact that Daniel slept a record ten hours that night and had marvelous-smelling breath, there were no other effects. He has probably drunk far more toxic potions since then…

He grew up big and air-freshener strong.

He grew up big and air-freshener strong.

But at the time, I was cold-sweat frantic. Now, no one loves Chloe more than Daniel does (unless it’s his brother, Taylor), so he would not be offended to learn that my reaction to the chicken carcass consumption was not too far off from my reaction to the air-freshener incident. We have to get her to the vet, IMMEDIATELY!

I expected there would be x-rays. $$  Scans. $$$ Maybe a stomach pumping? $$$$$

What I did not expect was the report from the CE that the vet yawned. Now I know that someone out there has a tragic story to tell about their dog and a chicken bone. And our vet is a responsible guy and I’m sure there are conditions under which he would NOT yawn when chicken bones are involved. But in this particular case, he was said to yawn and offer up the rather sensible suggestion that dogs are carnivores and that when dogs travel in packs (rather than live as pampered surrogate children to oldsters whose real kids have flown the coop) they do not have a butler to remove the bones from the chickens they eat.

Chloe ate a chicken carcass and couldn’t be happier.  We are three days out and she hasn’t so much as burped.

Could we stop talking about it and just throw the ball for me now?

Could we stop talking about it and just throw the ball for me now?

The chickens, however, are horrified.



About polloplayer

Empty nester searching for meaning of life through the occasional chicken epiphany.
This entry was posted in Absurdity, All Things Family, All Things Poultry, Animal/Vegetable/Mineral, Chicken Facts, Spoiled Pets and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to The Day Chloe Ate A Chicken Carcass.

  1. Katherine says:

    Having come to this via the twitter headline, I was a bit panicked. So glad Chloe didn’t go Donner-party on us and eat one of the menagerie. Still, I would have been equally scared and rushed her to the vet. (Who mastered his yawn when I’d bring in Karma. I’ll never forget when he looked at me and said “puppies hiccup. Go home.”)

    Talk about guilty-face – that second photo of Daniel is classic. I don’t know what he’s done, but I’d recheck all air-freshener (and other) bottles.

  2. Cherrie says:

    I loved this post! The pictures (and their captions) are perfect!

  3. pollo amigo says:

    Glad to hear all’s well with Chloe (and Daniel, for that matter). Did she have any helpers, I wonder?

  4. dizzyguy says:

    The episode went down pretty much as described by the CCL. The looks of the hens betray their keen interest in how something like this could ever happen in their little slice of Paradise. We just hope that Chloe never correlates the wondrous flavors and aromas inside that plastic clamshell with her little feathered buddies strutting and clucking around the yard. Pippa, Luna and the gang have earned the right to not be viewed as anyone’s dining experience.

  5. tdevir says:

    oh I’m glad Chloe is OK!!! Funny pics and great TBT story about Daniel. I vaguely remember that episode with the air freshener. Vivie had a similar episode with a bottle of fluoride rinse. NOT FUN! But like Daniel, she survived and has a since sported a similar devious grin 😉

  6. Jean Gutsche says:

    Oh Chloe, have you gone feral?

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