Fashion Faux-ward.

I used to love fall fashion. I know it’s hard to believe, but there was a time when I looked forward to a copy of Vogue arriving in the mail with the same excitement that is now reserved for Backyard Poultry.

Not exactly a fashion bible, is it? How far I've fallen... (image from livinghomegrown.com)

Not exactly a fashion bible, is it? How far I’ve fallen… (image from livinghomegrown.com)

Those were the days. The days before Anna Wintour’s haircut became boring and before I became a woman of a certain age…and size.

Does anyone else think it's time for a new look for Anna? (image from swingingtiramisu.blogspot.com)

Does anyone else think it’s time for a new look for Anna? (image from swingingtiramisu.blogspot.com)

All the cute young things this fall are wearing leather leggings, stilettos and biker-cut boots. More power to them – damn, that looks like fun! But when your age is six or seven times your shoe size, it’s not really a look you can pull off without alienating most of your family members.

Eva Longoria, Rosie Huntington Whitely and some pseduo celebs rock the leather legging look. (image from zimbio.com)

Eva Longoria, Rosie Huntington Whitely and some pseduo celebs rock the leather legging look. (image from zimbio.com)

Which, I guess, is how, somewhere along the line, dress-for-success gave way for me to what I charitably refer to as pajama-day chic. Once you reach an age where you have to cover your knees and cover your arms in order to not terrify onlookers, fashion kind of stops being fun. And with winter fast approaching,  I figure no one will really see me with such a few hours of daylight; let’s see what we can get away with.

hey, I could look worse, right? (image from grandmap7.wordpress.com)

hey, I could look worse, right? (image from grandmap7.wordpress.com)

I know I’ve gone too far on the days when I’ve showered and dressed, yet the CE gently asks me around 2 pm whether I’m going to get cleaned up for the day. But I’m learning to game it just short of humiliation, and for all you out there who have the courage to follow me down the road to fashion ruin, here are some of my favorites.

1. Ponte, a nice word for polyester

Polyester, that fabric from hell, is no longer the devil now that it’s been whipped up in a rayon/spandex blend called ponte. If, like me, you have body parts that might be better covered with a drop cloth than clothing, ponte is for you. It flatters, it gives and it’s great for traveling.

Eileen Fisher go-to ponte pants.

Eileen Fisher go-to ponte pants.

Eileen Fisher makes a great ponte pant. Not cheap at $200+ but the quality is there and her vanity sizing spares one all kinds of humiliation. You can get a slightly less fashionable but more affordable fit in similar pants at J. Jill for $79. Another source, surprisingly, is the Boston Proper catalog. Just skip past all the cleavage-baring pages and you’ll find their very affordable travel collection of ponte separates.

2. Comfort brands
I have a cotton knit skirt from three dots that has seen me through thin and, more recently, thick. Did I mention the expanding waistline? Simple but flattering construction. And the Splendid line has a similar talent for good quality cotton knit and is a great resource for tops that you will wear over and over.

A three dots dress from their fall 2013 collection.

A three dots dress from their fall 2013 collection.

A typical Splendid tee, this one from Revolve Clothing, a great source for Splendid and other brands.

A typical Splendid tee, this one from Revolve Clothing, a great source for Splendid and other brands.

Another source is the Click brand – hard to find but forgiving designs and great for travel.

A Click brand tunic (image from saratogaclotheshorse.com)

A Click brand tunic (image from saratogaclotheshorse.com)

3. It’s the little things that matter

Two words: Plush Apparel. I hesitantly ordered a pair of “fleece-lined socks” from this brand, expecting something suitably warm but probably too bulky to use for anything but chicken-coop-cleaning-wear. I was wrong! They’ve figured an ingenious way to combine micro-fleece with a slim profile and the result is comfort to the nth power.

Fleece-lined leggings from Plush Apparel. $79.

Fleece-lined leggings from Plush Apparel. $79.

Two more words: Enza Costa. Sounds like a glamorous Italian designer, but for all I know, it’s the brain child of some shlubby guy in Brooklyn. I don’t care. I am addicted to their dreamy featherweight tank tops. Not cheap at $66 a pop but they last forever. You can find their line of tees at Shopbop.com

The perfect tank from Enza Costa (image from luxagogo.com)

The perfect tank from Enza Costa (image from luxagogo.com)

One last thing to note: it ain’t cheap to look this bad. But sometimes it’s worth the sticker shock. I have a sweatshirt from Christina Lehr that cost a small fortune. But I will probably be buried in it because I wear it every day. Well, that or the pricey, worn, tattered holes-in-the-arms Allude and Repeat sweaters that I can’t seem to let go of. Expensive but worth it.

Christina Lehr's Tribeca store in NYC

Christina Lehr’s Tribeca store in NYC

An Allude sweater (image from shopstyle.com)

An Allude sweater (image from shopstyle.com)

Someday, leather leggings will have gone the way of the Juicy velour tracksuit and Anna Wintour will change her hairstyle. In the meantime, I’ll be cozy here with the chickens in my latest unfashionable discovery: as horrifying as it sounds, someone has found a way to adapt the “Snuggee” for daywear. The company is called Lole and the item is a fleece hoodie dress. Almost as snuggly as a snuggee. You’re welcome!

The snuggee! (image from worldwidewookieelifeday.blogspot.com)

The snuggee! (image from worldwidewookieelifeday.blogspot.com)

Fleece hoodie dress from Lole. (image from thefind.com)

Fleece hoodie dress from Lole. (image from thefind.com)

Happy shopping!

What the fashionable chicken will be wearing this fall. Just so you know. (image from poultrybookstore.blogspot.com)

What the fashionable chicken will be wearing this fall. Just so you know. (image from poultrybookstore.blogspot.com)

About polloplayer

Empty nester searching for meaning of life through the occasional chicken epiphany.
This entry was posted in Absurdity, All Things Family, Fashion and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Fashion Faux-ward.

  1. pollo amigo says:

    Love your fashion tips. Do the chickens’ outfits come in my size?

  2. Phyllis says:

    Can about 15years of twin sets still carry me through the harsh winter ahead. Please answer fast so I can be free to shop.

  3. dizzyguy says:

    It is time to administer a gentle reprimand to the CCL of PP for not acknowledging the many fashion ideas advanced, and I might say, stylishly used, by me over the years. Even now I am working on exciting sketches for Luna’s evening gowns for the upcoming charity ball season. So please, PP, give credit where it is due.

    • polloplayer says:

      Ah, a chance to use the words CE and fashion in the same sentence! That’s an opportunity that only comes around once every 35 years or so. Dearest, we can start talking about fashion as soon as you take in those baggy jeans by a yard or so… xoxo

  4. Actually, Harper’s Bazaar has an article about the Fall Runway 2013 feather trend. Perhaps Wintour and peers did reference Backyard Poultry as inspiration after all.

  5. Ang says:

    I want Kate Middleton to wear Luna to her next child’s christening. Far fetched? Think not.

  6. tdevir says:

    Ahh fall fashion! Reminds me that I USED to be a fashionista in my previous life! Now I go for comfort over leather… love Splendid and I will definitely be checking out your other comfort picks. Thanks! ps- that chicken photo is priceless!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s