Evil Creatures

I hardly ever meet a person who does not like dogs, but on those rare and disturbing occasions, I steer clear. Apologies to you non-dog-lovers out there, but there is something wrong with you if you don’t want to get down on your hands and knees and beg for a big wet nose kiss from Chloe.

What's not to love?

What’s not to love?

If you tell me, however, that you cannot stand cats, I may take a step back, but I will understand that you are a rational human being. Sometimes, in fact, I wonder if those of us who do like cats have simply been placed under mind-control by those evil felines. Because there is no other explanation for why we continue to do their bidding.

Cody looks dumb, but how do we know he is not controlling our every move?

Cody looks dumb, but how do we know he is not controlling our every move?

With the recent loss of two cats (RIP Dizzy and Rosie) we are down to a cat population of two. The two who happen to despise each other.
They manifest their displeasure by spraying. And no, they are not spraying water or room freshener. They are spraying eau de male cat and it is disgusting.

Bad cats! (image from realsimple.com)

Bad cats! (image from realsimple.com)

Neutering male cats at the age of six months is supposed to be a spraying deterrent, but Cody and Dodger apparently never got that memo.
Conventional wisdom suggests that cats spray due to “territorial anxiety”, which in our case means that 5,000+ square feet of living space and three spacious acres is not enough room to assuage the “anxiety”. I think they do it because they are, quite simply, diabolical.

Dodger, I'm talking to you!

Dodger, I’m talking to you!

There is a long list of recommended strategies to deter a cat from spraying (and no, euthanization is NOT on the list) and we have pretty much tried them all. There are enzymatic products (Nature’s Miracle makes one specifically for use on cat urine) that supposedly remove the cat’s “marker” scent and dissuade them from re-visiting a spot, but we’ve had little luck with that. Our house is littered with electrified “scat mats” which have terrified numerous bare-foot humans but are viewed with contempt by the cats.

Scat mats are part of our anti-cat-spray arsenal (image from smarthomeusa.om

Scat mats are part of our anti-cat-spray arsenal (image from smarthomeusa.om

A last resort solution for many is a Prozac prescription – for the cat, not the owner. Cody and Dodger each have their own prescription, and in the past it has seemed to help, but maybe we need to up their dosage?

Many  cat owners report success with kitty anti-depressants (image from cnn.com)

Many cat owners report success with kitty anti-depressants (image from cnn.com)

One tip I found that we haven’t tried is to cover a favored marking spot with aluminum foil. According to Petco.com, “cats are very annoyed by the sound of urine hitting foil and usually will leave it alone.” Worth a try. A less helpful tip from catsplay.com recommends that “you may need to resolve conflicts with other pets in your home”. Uh-huh. Right. So the Prozac isn’t enough and now we have to get them therapists?

I’m going with the simpler explanation. Cats are inherently evil.

Proof of evil?

Proof of evil?

If anyone out there in cyberspace has suggestions for solving this problem, I would love to hear them (as long as they do not involve drowning or strangulation). Cody and Dodger are wearing out their welcome with these antics and mind control only goes so far. We are not amused.

Oh, and by the way, March came in with a lion cut again this year for Cody. Who knows what kind of revenge he’s plotting against us?

BWAHAAAHAAAHAA! And you thought the spraying was bad?!

BWAHAAAHAAAHAA! And you thought the spraying was bad?!

Love this. (image from kittysuperstar.tumblr.com)

Love this. (image from kittysuperstar.tumblr.com)

About polloplayer

Empty nester searching for meaning of life through the occasional chicken epiphany.
This entry was posted in Animal/Vegetable/Mineral, Spoiled Pets and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Evil Creatures

  1. dizzyguy says:

    These territorial problems with cats can be solved, it is just that most people are unwilling to step up to what needs to be done: Each feline will need their own…………state. We have put in a bid on Missouri in hopes that Dodger will consider that possibility. Cody, being a might slow on the uptake, is scheduled to own Delaware. Fortunately, he does not comprehend that states come in more than one size. Hopefully, this will solve all of the, ahem, unpleasant problems that comes from confining our cats in an unnecessarily small space.

  2. Katherine says:

    As i see it the problem can only be one of three things:

    – that the Turkish rugs everywhere still carry around enough sand that the cats think they’re some form of conveniently placed, if thin, litter boxes.

    – this is their way of saying “do you realize there are chickens in the yard and yet we’re still just getting Meow Mix for dinner?”

    – that your house is indeed, as we all suspected, the finest abode in the land and they both want to stake a claim to it. I know real estate agents who have done worse in order to nab a delectable listing.

    Let me know if you need the number of the pet psychic who can talk with them and figure out which is the root of the problem. Or you can just throw $80 into the trash. Either way the cats will still be spraying.

  3. Phyllis says:

    And they look so innocent,. Cody and the hair cut should make a magazine cover by hairstylists

  4. alexandra says:

    I saw Cody on Saturday and loved his lion mane!

  5. Audrie says:

    I stumbled on your blog looking up marans chick info and laughed so hard at this! Very funny but hope you find a solution.

  6. Audrie says:

    And the”cat decision making tree” made me spit my coffee!

  7. Julia says:

    Have you tried Feliway? Its a diffuser you can plug in the wall with some scent that’s supposed to calm cats. I’ve used it with Janx and Jasper when they want to pee on everything. Seems to help! So sorry to hear about Rosie!

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